All is vapor

Finally the day comes, I am beating good bye to the glamour Private Banking very soon. After I sent my farewell note to business partner and clients, my heart is like man, these used to be my most important network and asset, now 3 sentences 1 min, once I left mean nothing. The tears and sweat for years and it gone.

Suddenly, I find myself so funny and stupid to hold it tight personally and make myself so depress. So many nights of broke down, hurting myself. I fall into a deep dark valley that I don think i can come up. But hey … no one even care, the world still goes on. Nothing more important than I am being who I am , living a life that called mine and happily. 

Set and Go

Boss announced I will be leaving in 1 month time and the next thing is i am out from meetings and emails. The feeling is not positive like the previous jumpship. May be this time round I am not leaving because i don like my current role . 

I got this revelation while trying to balance up my feeling. For the longest of time, I stand at the cross road of should I quit Wealth Management and Investment where I have spent  my 9 years in it and venture into something non related .

Review the pass 9 years and I realized there is no right decision when the decision is made . Every decision is right if we commit it with all our heart and effort. After graduated, I wanted to earn slightly more than average salary and work in a bank. Get myself into the highest paid bank for fresh graduate (Year 2008). After 3 years , a product manager work in down town KL, making business decision . Get myself into the largest bank in the country without relationship and referral. Another 3 years passed , I am bored wanted to be running at front line to close deal to have more influence. Get myself into a boutique investment firm (consider one of the smallest in the country) where everything is so lean. 

From the biggest to the smallest, what is next ? Now, I want to set a life that I can have more control and able to use my hand to create.. People are saying this is career suiciding’. Am I fearful ? Yes , very anxious but it is more excited to see what I get myself into after 3 years.  

My life after banking

I was working with various banks for the past 8 years since age 22. Actually, even before graduated, I am a ‘banker’ to promote credit card on the street. Being a banker seem like my entire life career. Jumping from one bank to another, come with higher paid also golden hand craft.

About three years ago, I felt I am unemployed beside having a job that seem secure I have nothing to employ my career. I start to wonder what is the meaning to work in corporate? Is it to chase for better car, luxury hand bag , bigger house and once a year vocation? There is a big hole of unsatisfaction that cannot be full filled through my career.

So, I decided to join a very small asset management firm. The first step of stepping out from bank. Beginning of it, there is a period of adjusting. Today, I look back , I know it is a right decision. Bigger things are ahead. Come on life after working for other.  

The most simple thing is not simple

I have been very struggling about my future path, my destiny for very long. Should I leave at high now where everything seem growing very positively and go to pursue something full of uncertainty? Weighting both has no ends. I am standing at the crossroad for the longest of time.

I come to realize it has nothing to do with neither how well I am at the current place nor how bad I am mistreated before.  It is about what I really want in my life. It has nothing to do with others, not my pass achievement and experience or family burden. All that are consideration factors at the same time, those are noises. The only single point is what my goal is and all will work around that in the matter of time.

The most single thing is not simple, just need to be clear on goal but it never easy. So, 6 weeks more to go, I will embark to new life with no fixed income, no EPF, no medical benefits, biggest ever faith needed season of life.

One’s life is not what you watch at their live or Insta story

She crys hard for many nights, insomnia is very normal, she has very low self-confidence, sensitive, self-doubt, good at nothing thought, anti-social, over thinking, emotional yoyo. It affected her health, she falls sick always, her bower system is not normal, go toilet 4 or 5 days every day and suffer from diarrhea almost every month.

Yes, I am describing a 30-year-old women who seem to living a good life, excellent career, high pay, and portfolio of assets. That is me !

The first good bye

1 of my new year resolution year 2015 is a new and nice furnished condo unit nearer to city centre. The box checked, I moved to a very decent place month of December same year.

I left my comfort space 2 weeks ago because the same year another goal in the list yet to come to pass. It is so hard to make the decision and execute it. I love every bit of the condo unit but I have only enjoyed it for 1 year 7 months, rented out now.  The good rental that is able to cover the loan interest is the balance of my emotional where i do not have any financial burden now. It is important to plan and manage my financial requirement before my step out from salaried life.

In the past 2 years, the step become bigger and more faith lifting, from banking life to a boutique financial house and now the journey to stand on my own. I am excited yet very fearful for what is ahead. 17 weeks to go !

3 wise man

I learn from a coach said if you want to know whether the path that you are fighting now is what you desire, just ask yourself do you want to become like your boss one day?

Over the 9 years and 4 banks and 2 financial institutions, I had met different kind of bosses and they are at their different stages of life. Let’s call them 3 wise man, they are at their early 50s and from their story I guess back in 20 years ago they are at similar page. How is their life now?

Wise man 1, a C levels in a big bank overseeing at least 1,000 people, what we call boss sit in the haven because you may be working in a bank for years but you do not have chance to talk to him face to face. You are lucky if email that you send or receive he is in CC. For him probably facing board of director is the most stressful thing. His once said his time is not his time because all will be arranged by his PA. He needs to play poker face, master in politic to maintain his territory.

Wise man 2, a HOD in local bank, work in the same bank but different departments since graduated. Educating all youngish about his philosophy, bank is a good place to spend life, stable job and able to feed his family well. He is at his last bit of career where 3 years to retirement, reporting to boss who are lots younger than him. After numerous cycle change of management, he has no feeling for everything and anything. All that he concerns is do not shake his chair until retirement because his kids are still studying aboard.

Wise man 3, a founder and CIO of a boutique financial institute, he has much busier life and more thing to juggle at his 50s compares with Wise man 1 and 2. In term of wealth, he probably accumulated the most too but definitely not money that keep him running at his pace. To have that kind of energy level at his age must be passion and great sense of satisfaction. His business and life has thousand and one problem to solve but he never thinks of retirement. He has the freedom of having marathon trip in Europe, Japan and Australia for weeks in a year.

So, 20 years later, whose life I want? Probably, this is the biggest inspiration for me at this moment. Keep running, wise woman !