Set and Go

Boss announced I will be leaving in 1 month time and the next thing is i am out from meetings and emails. The feeling is not positive like the previous jumpship. May be this time round I am not leaving because i don like my current role . 

I got this revelation while trying to balance up my feeling. For the longest of time, I stand at the cross road of should I quit Wealth Management and Investment where I have spent  my 9 years in it and venture into something non related .

Review the pass 9 years and I realized there is no right decision when the decision is made . Every decision is right if we commit it with all our heart and effort. After graduated, I wanted to earn slightly more than average salary and work in a bank. Get myself into the highest paid bank for fresh graduate (Year 2008). After 3 years , a product manager work in down town KL, making business decision . Get myself into the largest bank in the country without relationship and referral. Another 3 years passed , I am bored wanted to be running at front line to close deal to have more influence. Get myself into a boutique investment firm (consider one of the smallest in the country) where everything is so lean. 

From the biggest to the smallest, what is next ? Now, I want to set a life that I can have more control and able to use my hand to create.. People are saying this is career suiciding’. Am I fearful ? Yes , very anxious but it is more excited to see what I get myself into after 3 years.  

My life after banking

I was working with various banks for the past 8 years since age 22. Actually, even before graduated, I am a ‘banker’ to promote credit card on the street. Being a banker seem like my entire life career. Jumping from one bank to another, come with higher paid also golden hand craft.

About three years ago, I felt I am unemployed beside having a job that seem secure I have nothing to employ my career. I start to wonder what is the meaning to work in corporate? Is it to chase for better car, luxury hand bag , bigger house and once a year vocation? There is a big hole of unsatisfaction that cannot be full filled through my career.

So, I decided to join a very small asset management firm. The first step of stepping out from bank. Beginning of it, there is a period of adjusting. Today, I look back , I know it is a right decision. Bigger things are ahead. Come on life after working for other.  

The most simple thing is not simple

I have been very struggling about my future path, my destiny for very long. Should I leave at high now where everything seem growing very positively and go to pursue something full of uncertainty? Weighting both has no ends. I am standing at the crossroad for the longest of time.

I come to realize it has nothing to do with neither how well I am at the current place nor how bad I am mistreated before.  It is about what I really want in my life. It has nothing to do with others, not my pass achievement and experience or family burden. All that are consideration factors at the same time, those are noises. The only single point is what my goal is and all will work around that in the matter of time.

The most single thing is not simple, just need to be clear on goal but it never easy. So, 6 weeks more to go, I will embark to new life with no fixed income, no EPF, no medical benefits, biggest ever faith needed season of life.

One’s life is not what you watch at their live or Insta story

She crys hard for many nights, insomnia is very normal, she has very low self-confidence, sensitive, self-doubt, good at nothing thought, anti-social, over thinking, emotional yoyo. It affected her health, she falls sick always, her bower system is not normal, go toilet 4 or 5 days every day and suffer from diarrhea almost every month.

Yes, I am describing a 30-year-old women who seem to living a good life, excellent career, high pay, and portfolio of assets. That is me !

The first good bye

1 of my new year resolution year 2015 is a new and nice furnished condo unit nearer to city centre. The box checked, I moved to a very decent place month of December same year.

I left my comfort space 2 weeks ago because the same year another goal in the list yet to come to pass. It is so hard to make the decision and execute it. I love every bit of the condo unit but I have only enjoyed it for 1 year 7 months, rented out now.  The good rental that is able to cover the loan interest is the balance of my emotional where i do not have any financial burden now. It is important to plan and manage my financial requirement before my step out from salaried life.

In the past 2 years, the step become bigger and more faith lifting, from banking life to a boutique financial house and now the journey to stand on my own. I am excited yet very fearful for what is ahead. 17 weeks to go !

3 wise man

I learn from a coach said if you want to know whether the path that you are fighting now is what you desire, just ask yourself do you want to become like your boss one day?

Over the 9 years and 4 banks and 2 financial institutions, I had met different kind of bosses and they are at their different stages of life. Let’s call them 3 wise man, they are at their early 50s and from their story I guess back in 20 years ago they are at similar page. How is their life now?

Wise man 1, a C levels in a big bank overseeing at least 1,000 people, what we call boss sit in the haven because you may be working in a bank for years but you do not have chance to talk to him face to face. You are lucky if email that you send or receive he is in CC. For him probably facing board of director is the most stressful thing. His once said his time is not his time because all will be arranged by his PA. He needs to play poker face, master in politic to maintain his territory.

Wise man 2, a HOD in local bank, work in the same bank but different departments since graduated. Educating all youngish about his philosophy, bank is a good place to spend life, stable job and able to feed his family well. He is at his last bit of career where 3 years to retirement, reporting to boss who are lots younger than him. After numerous cycle change of management, he has no feeling for everything and anything. All that he concerns is do not shake his chair until retirement because his kids are still studying aboard.

Wise man 3, a founder and CIO of a boutique financial institute, he has much busier life and more thing to juggle at his 50s compares with Wise man 1 and 2. In term of wealth, he probably accumulated the most too but definitely not money that keep him running at his pace. To have that kind of energy level at his age must be passion and great sense of satisfaction. His business and life has thousand and one problem to solve but he never thinks of retirement. He has the freedom of having marathon trip in Europe, Japan and Australia for weeks in a year.

So, 20 years later, whose life I want? Probably, this is the biggest inspiration for me at this moment. Keep running, wise woman !

The Day come sooner than i think

I have always wanted to take a break from my 9 years career, many thinking and planning has taken place for the past 5 months. I did not expect the day will come so soon. Tomorrow is the day that I have been dreaming of, hand in the “I quit” letter.

Argh ..  it does not like what I imagine, my heart cannot settle, the fearfulness is so real. Insecurity is hugging me tightly. This is harder than waiting result after interview. If not now, when will be the next time? Every time I have the strong urge to resign I convince myself and I take a step back. Slowly, I am immured and there goes my life. I cannot continue my life this way, the timing is right. Go and do it my girl.

Don’t let my career defined me

If there is a ruler to measure realism and idealism, I am definitely a down to earth girl since young. I growth up in a family where money and power is the centre of life. It is not surprise that I have a mind set of dream will not grants food on table. I major in marketing and finance because people said that is the way to earn money. I work in a bank after graduated because people said bank has the best benefits and they offer higher entry salary that time. That’s how it started, jump from one bank to another, paid get increased every jump. After 9 years, I stop and think beside having a career that seem giving me average life, what else do I have and what defines me. Take away my career what do I have? My career defines my life?

Stop here and shout out don’t let my career defined me! I deserve better life and value. Quit my career not my life, redesign my career living a new life.

Life is long or short

Recently, 3 people around me are taking the real steps towards retirement. Listening and looking at them make me felt the hole in my heart get bigger and deeper. 2 of them have been working for 20 years and now decided to focus on their own business/part time and the other one have to rest at home due to health issue. It makes me think, after 10 years if I quit, what is the things that I can depend on. The hole start digging 3 years back and it only goes one way in.

Generally, people spend 33 years at work if retire at 55. It is about half of our life if we live until 70. Life is long or short then? When it is suffering and bore, life is long; when it is heart-warming and interesting, life is short. Some said no matter life is long or short live it to the fullest. Fullest is another definition and measurement. 3 years , I really do not want after 3 years is the same.  3 years is long or short ? Hahahaha …. Unending ..

Walking Dead

After working years working in corporate, I realize the reason of my ex-superior or my ex-colleague live a walking dead life and step by step I am walking into it. Too many time, I cannot express what is the real meaning and intention in my mind and heart. I am being paid to follow others. I am being paid to sell my time for other people business. Am I not working hard enough to prove myself? My happiness, sense of achievement is all depend on human (My boss)? The measurement is his praise and his reward? I am pleasing the 1 man in his kingdom. This is so scary.

The root of the problem is the problem of the root

Many things happen at my work place that made me absolutely doubt on my choice 7 months ago. A jump from cooperate world to a small company. I warm myself not to compare but you know human especially women tend to compare everything. The only thinking to make myself feel better is I am being paid, the company is not mine, just do whatever they want me to do because unemployed is more depressing than this. Stop for a minute ... if working, career is only about money then why I am working here with lesser benefits, support, guidance, and growth opportunities??

Again, I know there is no perfect job or perfect company in the world. I have been working for 6 companies in the past 9 years. Definitely each one have something that I can complaint about and made me leave. The problem is not the companies nor the job role, the root of the problem is the problem of the root which is ME. Haiz ☹  , what can I do ? I guess the only thing I can do is to strive the balance between the complaints and the rewards. The day it couldn’t balance anymore is the day to say good bye.  

Freedom

The ordinary path of life, graduated from university get into big corporation, work up the ladder and retired with good benefit. I was desired to live a life like this since teenager partly because I saw the ups and downs of an entrepreneur (both my mom and dad are in separate business) and the financial struggle during my family crisis. I was brought up squaring myself as a corporate lady. After 9 years of working in total 5 international and local banks, I realise I want freedom. I want to control my own life. No doubt working in bank is one of the best unbroken rice bowl but .. A BIG BUT … I am bored and logging for freedom.

I thought it will be a good try to work in a smaller financial company, I mean a tiny boutique house. I am one of the odd that leave bank and join a boutique firm. People in the industry and around me raise their eye brow about this. This is my 6 months here, it actually does not change my situation and feeling. I start to fall in a giant question mark, it is my problem. Oh .. yes, definitely is my problem !! It also could be I never try to be on my own so I do not know, grass is always greener the other side. I know I must solve this and stop wasting my life. So, what is the solution? I don know but one thing I am sure it is not too late for a 30 years old lady to figure it out.

Rest require effort

I am longing for rest as in a career break or gap year. Time flies with a blink of eye, come to 9 years of working life, no gap in between the jump. When I shared my rest desire, people will ask what is my plan, i couldn’t answer because I do not have a solid plan of what I want to do if I quit my 9-5 job. I do not have a part time either. It makes my emotion fall even deeper, like no end in the dark hole.

In order for my rest to come to reality, I start to really plan for my expenses. I set a target to save 40% of my monthly income, I mean net cash 40%. It may be easy for others, for me it is very challenging. I started to record money that I spend on food with cash. With the help of technology, no ‘bukuk 555’ , an apps can record and do analysis as well. Ever since I do that, every single cent become so ‘big’, no coffee after lunch, no junk food. It is going good now, shall see the difference after 6 months which is the first dead line, August 2017.

Where is she ?

Don’t dream, plan and do it. It can be very different if I started my online business when I was a student. Life is not the same if I know blogging can be a source of income back then. Well, if I have started maybe I failed and living more miserable than now. It also can be I am bright and successful. I was once a very ambitious and energetic girl who wanted to make my face and name on business and financial magazines. I organized a profit earning party with my housemate and we made our first RM 1000 in life. What happen to me today? I have lost all the confident and passion that I used to have.

30 years old now, that was 10 years ago, what happen in the between? It can be the realistic of life slowly change me. From the first boyfriend who told me don’t go in sales be credit analyst or operation officer, work in bank good benefit; investments and stock market all is conman job. (To be fair, he did instil some good value as well). To people that I met along the way has slowly build up who am I today.

Enough of what if, do it please ! I really miss the girl that win all the applause every time she stands up …

Simple

My simple lifestyle is about living to the values that I care about rather than the ones society tells me to care about. My friend argues with me saying I am lip servicing it but did not live it out and the other friend commented what is the value then. It caught my mind and I wrote this.

Minimalism, my way of living. I started to subscript to this concept of live simple and be minimalist since end of 2015. It started when I face the turtle neck at my career path. After many think through, I come to a conclusion I have to change some of my goal and value in life. Live simple and dream big became my slogan of life year 2016. The more I met and talk to successful and wealthy man the more I am firm ‘live simple, stay humble and dream big’ going to be my principle of life.

The first practice came when I moved to my new place. Well it is a mid-high range unit, being minimalist is not about living at some shutter area but is about quality and the value. The location is good, I think there are potential for the price to go up and most importantly owning the unit will not cause me to live high up to nose. The furnishing of my new place, I keep it very simple and within my budget. Buy only what is necessary and practical with CASH.

The bottom line to live simple is live below what I am afford so I will not be busy and overly attach to material thing and the value is what make me satisfied and a better me. It doesn't mean I am settle for small target or lesser quality life but it is about be very clear and focus on what I am up for life. Minimalism bring me freedom. Discuss more if there is chance !

1 2 3 , no looking back !

An article about how to be rich caught my attention, basically the author list 3 ways to wealthy life . Number 1 is to run a profitable and growing business, Number 2 is to work upward in corporate to C level, Number 3 sales, choose the best commission and sell. I couldn’t finish or rather I am afraid to finish it because I can't face the reality of where am I today?

I have left number 2 to number 3 but I am not commission based or rather the job will not make me rich. My goal ‘’suppose’’ to be number 1? Since young, dad has been advising me to be entrepreneur and no one in my family working for others but I am always very skeptical about it. I used to think spend life in a big corporation and work the way up seem to be not a bad way of living.

After 8 years, I found I am a rat in the race, no fulfilment; work is just for the money that I can have average life. When I was 25 years old, I ask my manager, what he was doing when he is 30 years old. He told he started his own business later on failed and went back to bank. Even with his experience he still encourage me to walk a difference path, leave the corporate world go for something that I really want.

4 years later, i quit bank, yes I have stepped out but still yet to find the way. One thing I am sure, I cannot look back !